IELTS Essay Body Para: Band 5.5 vs Band 9 concept using the T.I.E.E.R. formula
🔹 Topic 1: Technology in Education
❌ Band 5.5 Paragraph:
> Technology is used in education. It helps students learn. They can watch videos and do online classes. It is good because it is modern. This is how technology is helping.
Problems:
Vague topic sentence
Repetitive ideas
No real explanation or example
No impact/result
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✅ Band 9 Paragraph (T.I.E.E.R.):
> One clear way technology has transformed education is by personalising learning. As
Many students now access platforms that adapt lessons to their pace and level, this allows weaker learners to revisit difficult topics while advanced learners move ahead.
For instance, apps like Khan Academy or AI tutors now tailor exercises in real-time.
As a result, students not only stay engaged but also improve at their own pace, which boosts long-term academic outcomes.
🔹 Topic 2: Public Transport
❌ Band 5.5 Paragraph:
> Public transport is important. It is better than using cars. People should use buses and trains. It reduces traffic and pollution. Governments should make it better.
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✅ Band 9 Paragraph (T.I.E.E.R.):
> Encouraging public transport use is one of the most effective ways to reduce urban congestion.
When citizens rely on buses and trains, fewer private vehicles crowd the roads.
This not only eases traffic flow but also cuts down harmful emissions.
For example, cities like Tokyo and London have seen a drop in carbon footprint due to efficient metro systems, ultimately improving public transit leads to cleaner air and faster commutes, making urban life more sustainable.
🔹 Topic 3: Advertising and Children
❌ Band 5.5 Paragraph:
> Advertising is seen everywhere. It can affect children. Kids want to buy what they see on TV. This is not good. It should be limited.
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✅ Band 9 Paragraph (T.I.E.E.R.):
> Advertising aimed at children can strongly influence their buying behaviour and values.
Because Young minds are highly impressionable and often lack the critical thinking needed to resist persuasive messages, it can lead to unhealthy habits, especially when junk food or violent games are promoted.
A notable case is the rise in childhood obesity linked to fast food commercials aired during cartoons.
Owing to it, stricter regulations are essential to protect children from harmful consumer manipulation.
🔹 Topic 4: Health and Fitness
❌ Band 5.5 Paragraph:
> People don’t exercise much. This is bad for health. People eat junk food and sit a lot. They should work out. This will help them stay fit.
🔍 Problems:
Oversimplified points
No explanation or cause-effect
No example
No academic tone
✅ Band 9 Paragraph (T.I.E.E.R.):
> Sedentary lifestyles and poor eating habits have become key contributors to rising health issues.
As many individuals now work long hours sitting at desks and rely on fast food for convenience, this combination reduces physical fitness and increases risks of obesity and heart disease.
For example, a study in the UK found that adults who exercise less than 30 minutes a day are more likely to develop chronic illnesses. Promoting daily physical activity and balanced diets is vital for public health improvement.
🔹 Topic 5: Crime and Punishment
❌ Band 5.5 Paragraph:
> Crime is a big problem. People steal and kill. Police should catch criminals. Punishment should be given. Then there will be no crime.
🔍 Problems:
Lacks clarity and detail
Child-like tone
No real-world connection
Overgeneralised conclusion
✅ Band 9 Paragraph (T.I.E.E.R.):
> Imposing stricter punishments can act as a deterrent to serious crimes such as theft and violence.
When potential offenders are aware of severe legal consequences, they may think twice before acting unlawfully.
This is especially true in societies where justice systems are swift and transparent.
For instance, Singapore’s low crime rate is often attributed to its rigorous enforcement and strict penalties. While punishment alone isn’t a cure-all, it plays a key role in maintaining law and order.
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